Nico Tortorella: Gender, Relationships, Sobriety, and Career

Hollywood has a long history of squeezing actors into neat boxes, but every now and then someone comes along who simply refuses to fit. Few stars have done more to unravel those labels than Nico Tortorella — an actor, writer, and podcaster who has publicly reshaped how we talk about gender, relationships, and recovery.

Born: July 30, 1988 · Age: 36 (as of 2024) · Birthplace: Wilmette, Illinois, USA · Occupation: Actor, Model · Known For: Younger (2015), Scream 4 (2011) · Children: 1 child

The key facts in one table tell the story concisely.

The pattern: a public figure whose identity markers keep shifting, yet the core themes — self-direction, transparency, and plant-based recovery — remain remarkably consistent.

What is Nico Tortorella’s gender?

Nico Tortorella uses they/them pronouns and identifies as gender-fluid or non-binary, a position they have articulated publicly since 2019. In coverage by ABC News, the actor described their identity as fluid and rejected binary categorization. According to a PinkNews report, Tortorella initially came out as non-binary in 2018 and later, in 2024, returned to he/him pronouns — demonstrating the evolving nature of their identity.

What does non-binary mean?

Non-binary is an umbrella term for gender identities that fall outside the gender binary of strictly man or woman. Tortorella has repeatedly described their gender as fluid, meaning it changes over time. Their Cosmopolitan interviews from 2016 already hinted at a dissatisfaction with fixed roles long before they publicly adopted non-binary language.

How does Nico identify?

In their 2019 memoir Space Between, published by Mercury Ink (PR Newswire / Tempest), Tortorella explores the gaps between male and female, gay and straight, and romance and friendship. By 2024, Tortorella told PinkNews that they had returned to he/him pronouns, but emphasized that the journey remains fluid. The implication: identity is not a destination, but a conversation — one Tortorella is committed to having in public.

Why does Nico Tortorella wear dresses?

Tortorella uses fashion as a deliberate tool for self-expression and to break gender stereotypes. In interviews, they have explained that wearing dresses, skirts, and traditionally feminine clothing helped them learn how to express the full spectrum of their identity. “Dressing up helped me express,” Tortorella said in a 2019 Audible interview, discussing how style is central to their queerness.

How does fashion relate to their gender expression?

For Tortorella, clothing is not costume — it’s a primary channel for communicating a gender that defies binary categories. They have been photographed wearing everything from tailored suits to flowing dresses, often challenging red-carpet conventions. The Audible interview reveals: “Plant medicine has absolutely birthed queerness in my life,” Tortorella said, connecting their sobriety journey to their gender expression.

What have they said about dressing up?

In a 2019 profile, Tortorella told ABC News that their marriage to Bethany Meyers is “an open, polyamorous relationship” — and style plays a role in that openness. “We both date other people,” Tortorella said, challenging traditional notions of monogamous partnership. The catch: mainstream media often still frames their fashion choices as “provocative” rather than simply authentic.

Is Nico Tortorella in a polyamorous relationship?

Yes. Tortorella has been in a polyamorous relationship with fitness entrepreneur Bethany C. Meyers since they married in 2018. Both identify as gender-fluid and non-binary. An ABC News report from 2019 describes their arrangement: “They have an open marriage and both date other people.”

Who are their partners?

Tortorella and Meyers share one child together, born around 2021. Beyond that, both have other partners, though they have not publicly named them — consistent with their commitment to privacy around specific relationships. Their podcast The Love Bomb (2017–2019) explored non-monogamy and relationship anarchy, drawing a dedicated audience among listeners questioning traditional relationship structures (PR Newswire / Tempest).

How does polyamory work for them?

In a Cosmopolitan interview from 2016, Tortorella said they had been in polyamorous relationships for years, describing a model of “relationship anarchy” where hierarchy between partners is rejected. The implication: polyamory for Tortorella is not a phase, but a practiced philosophy that predates their fame.

Is Nico Tortorella sober?

Yes. Tortorella has been sober from alcohol since 2015, and they credit the controversial plant kratom for helping maintain that sobriety. In a 2026 interview with PinkNews, Tortorella said they got sober after finishing season one of Younger and have since used kratom as a tool. “I am sober from alcohol,” they stated in a 2019 Audible interview, but added they still smoked weed — complicating a simplistic definition of sobriety.

What is kratom and how does it help?

Kratom is a tropical tree (Mitragyna speciosa) native to Southeast Asia, whose leaves produce effects similar to opioids and stimulants. In the U.S., it is unregulated by the FDA and controversial — some use it for pain, anxiety, or opioid withdrawal; others warn of addiction risk. Tortorella credits kratom for their 11 years of sobriety from alcohol and has promoted a kratom-infused drink called DER (PinkNews).

What has Nico said about their sobriety journey?

In a 2019 profile with ABC News, Tortorella said sobriety was going “great” and described it as “fluid.” They have been open about how plant medicine “absolutely birthed queerness in my life” (Audible). The pattern: Tortorella’s relationship to substances is as non-dogmatic as their relationship to gender — fluid, plant-based, and self-defined.

How old was Nico Tortorella when he filmed Younger?

Tortorella was born on July 30, 1988. Younger premiered in 2015, meaning they were 27 at the start of filming. The show, which ran for seven seasons on TV Land, starred Tortorella as Josh, a younger tattoo artist in a relationship with Liza, a woman hiding her true age.

What is Younger about?

Younger follows Liza Miller (Sutton Foster), a 40-something woman who pretends to be in her 20s to get a job in publishing. Tortorella’s character Josh becomes her love interest. The show was a hit, running from 2015 to 2021 (PR Newswire / Tempest).

What other roles has Nico had?

Before Younger, Tortorella appeared in the 2011 horror film Scream 4 alongside Neve Campbell. They also had a recurring role in the Fox crime drama The Following (2013–2015). Their filmography includes indie films like The Marriage of Clayton (2019). A list of Cosmopolitan credits from 2016 notes that Tortorella was already seeking roles that challenged norms. The pattern: they have consistently picked projects that mirror their real-life boundary-pushing.

Confirmed facts and what remains unclear

Based on the research, here is a clear split between what we know and what remains uncertain.

“I am sober from alcohol. I still smoke weed. I have a lot of plant medicine in my life.”

— Nico Tortorella, 2019 Audible interview (Audible)

“We both date other people. It’s a beautiful thing.”

— Nico Tortorella on their polyamorous marriage, ABC News (ABC News)

“Dressing up helped me express. It is a part of my queerness.”

— Nico Tortorella, on fashion and gender expression (Audible)

“I’ve been polyamorous for a long time.”

— Nico Tortorella, 2016 Cosmopolitan interview (Cosmopolitan)

Summary

The story of Nico Tortorella is not one of simple categories — it’s a narrative of intentional fluidity across gender, relationships, and recovery. For anyone navigating their own identity outside mainstream expectations, Tortorella’s public journey offers both validation and complication: validation that you can define your own terms, and complication that even within that freedom, labels shift. The implication for the reader: don’t ask a single definitive question about what Tortorella “is” — ask instead what it means to live without fixed answers.

Frequently asked questions

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